Down to Work — Jan Jeans

Many of you will be wondering what exactly I am doing while here in Timor-Leste.

This is a question I have been pondering myself over and over again. I think there are parallel roads that I am walking along right now. One is the road to self discovery and the other is the road to creativity. Both have their challenges and both their rewards, and both at times can wear me out.

The road to creativity is challenging me to conjur up something out of nothing. When I arrived here in Lospalos only one member of staff was here on the team and I had 3 weeks of not doing very much, sat at a desk researching things on the internet, wondering how I was going to use my skills in a project which felt as if not very much had been happening for a long time. Then the other 3 staff returned and possibilities begin to open up.

The organisation where I am based has a long history of promoting and initiating the indigenous culture of this district- Lautem, setting up an amazing web site that has recorded many of the regions cultural practices, languages, music, art and stories, producing children books in local languages and even getting the rock art designated as a Unesco site of cultural heritage- they have done a fantastic job in promoting local culture. Nothing to do with therapy. Over the years several arts based activities have taken place at this centre and my role is to develop these and introduce the staff here to the power of art and dance therapy as a way to work with people.

One of the first challenges I had was that the staff did not know how to use me. They have not been briefed on my role or given an idea of how I would work with them. In Timor people don’t initiate discussions unless you are very direct with them. It has taken me many weeks to begin to find out that the staff are not sure how we can work together or what they should be doing. I have initiated a weekly art therapy session with the staff as a way of introducing them to this construct. They had no idea what art therapy was - or even basic counselling for that matter, so to expect them to think of ways in which we could use art therapy was unrealistic. They relished the opportunity to use art and dance and once they got going really opened up and used the sessions to talk about deep issues together.

Another difficulty is that the directors of this project are Australians who live in Australia and have not been here for nearly 3 years, so have little ideas of what is really going on and we lack clear leadership. Sometimes we get 3 different suggestions on one subject from the three other people in Australia which causes considerable confusion. Having a manger here who was driving the charity and taking us all in one direction would be really useful however that is not going to happen so it is up to me to make the most of it and do what I can.

Another challenge has been the inability to plan. Staff go off on tangents, come up with ideas that are not well thought out and grab at suggestions without thinking them through. Again I think this is a result of the impact of the occupations and conflict and can be immensely frustrating for someone like me who needs to plan with an aim, an outcome, a reason why we are doing something and a sense that we can evaluate what we are doing.

Just when you think you have agreed on doing one thing it gets discarded and another idea is thrown up that people get very enthusiastic about and want to run away with in the moment. For the first couple of months I have been in a tail spin trying to keep up with this and am beginning to try and tie things down and get agreements where we are all on the same page. I saw that staff do not meet to share plans or talk about their work- so now we do this regularly. Although people still go off contingents on their own.

An example of this is one day, out of the blue one day my other colleague, Thomas said- we are going to visit Luzeiro- an NGO that works with domestic violence and runs the women refuge here. I had no idea this was coming as we set off in the car with him to visit the director of this organisation, who was enthusiastic about the idea of me getting involved with his staff. That now has led to me running a weekly art and dance session in the women’s refuge with who ever is there- the staff- including the security guy, the residents, several little children who belong to who knows who… all very chaotic but they love it and Thomas is making great translator and I am learning a few simple phrases to help out, breath deep, make a circle, pass the ball to each other and say your name….this is so far the highlight of my week as I feel I am actually doing something.

I have discovered that I am supposed to be working primarily with the artist- Cesario, and teaching him to use art therapy in his work. He runs painting and drawing classes every afternoon for young people. Finally we have agreed to run some more art therapy type groups with girls who attend the local convent as boarders. But this has been set up in such a way that I have not idea how many girls will come, how old they will be or what the nuns are thinking. I think the nuns think we are going to be doing art classes. And one will be in attendance at every session- so will see how that goes. The main frustration is that I cannot set things up with out the support of a colleague because I cannot speak the language, and I will always need someone there to translate.

So to try and move things along for myself and not got mad I have already run two dance therapy sessions in Dili with another organisation that works with young people and will be running a youth dance workshop at the end of March; I have run an Open Floor workshop for Malae- foreigners- as a way to raise funds for art materials for my work and am running another one at the start of March. And I am am involved in discussions with a mental health provider about providing training and supervision to their staff. All these things I have made happen myself which I am perfectly capable off doing. In Lospalos I am trying to work with the staff and discover what they want from me which is a bit harder as I cannot assume things.

Uploaded by Jan Jeans on 2019-02-10.

It is wonderful to see that the simple go things that I can introduce have such an impact. Doing a simple relaxation exercise with staff while sat in a chair gets them so calm in a way that they don’t often experience, having a few balls, paints, a stretchy piece of lycra to play with…it’s like offering ice-cream for the first time.

And my assumptions on what people understand are being challenged. For instance in the dance therapy sessions I did with youth workers in Dili at one point I said ‘take a partner’. Now in NZ people know this to mean pair up and get ready to talk or follow instructions from me for an exercise. Here I was amused to find everyone in ballroom dance style holds ready to waltz! Because this is what it means in Timor- taking a partner means you are about to do a formal dance with someone. So there are lots of little mismatching that occur all the time and probably lots that I am not aware of, so no wonder it is so slow to get things moving.

My road to self discovery is really unfolding now that John has returned to NZ.

I am learning how attached I am to ideas and the way things should be….and my challenge is to let go of all expectations….really, really hard.

I can see how I struggle to acknowledge what I do achieve, I constantly expect myself to be this super woman and fail to celebrate the small, tiny steps that are just as valid as the dazzling, giant leaps. In fact I think that it is the little things that are probably the foundation of all my achievements, if you can’t stand and keep you balance you can’t walk and you can’t run, let alone fly.

Learning to look after myself, really taking care of my needs, my heart, my soul, my longings and seeing them just as important as the giving to others, that is a much needed lesson I need to learn.

So I am trying to be like the water buffalo, slowing down and finding shade when its hot, leaning on others in the muddy waters when I need to rest and slowly lumbering along the road in no rush, trusting I will get where I need to go.

They have to be my favourite animals here!